An open letter to the kittens

My dearest Kittlings,

As your 'mom' I feel that I must gently let you know that there are some ground rules about living in this house. 

Knocking down the little bowls of bulbs off the window ledge is a no-no. No matter how funny it is to watch the bulb soil cascade down the wall, on the chair, over the table and on to the floor and yes those little bulbs do roll around in the most comical way especially when battered with a paw. I can understand the first time might have been an accident, but I do suspect that  it may just be deliberate by the time you have done for the fourth time- I might be wrong here, but I do have my suspicions.

Also, while on the subjects of plants - mine - please do not create those delicate lace edges on the leaves for me. Yes, it is very pretty but I don't think my plants care too much for that airtex look...

And talking of delicate little holes - why are there teeth marks along my diary edge? Do you two girls know anything about that? I thought not, s'pose you are not too sure who chewed the aerial off the remote controlled car either?

I know that in this household we do tend to share most things, chairs, floor space, cushions, cheese but there are some things that are mine and mine only.....wool. My dearest little Lily, please DO NOT (I repeat) DO NOT go upstairs and carefully select a hand spun, hand dyed hank of rather precious thread and then carry it downstairs (no - it - did - not - fight - back - and - need - killing....) and proceed to give it a good bashing under the diningroom table. 

While on the subject of things thread like - electrical cables really don't make good trapeze equipment. I realise that you thought that swinging on the fairy lights was sheer joy and you suspected that we thought the same by the look on our faces as we watched you travel through the air on a single cable while the attached lightbulbs came crashing down after you.....  I might be being a tad over cautious here but PLEASE DO NOT DO IT AGAIN.

I can understand if my boys, when charging around the house make thudding sounds and so they should they do have size 5 and 6 feet, but you my dear little dainty kittlings have feet no bigger than my thumb yet you seem to create the illusion of a stampeding-herd-of-crazed-elephants as you lightly trip your way across the hall. My heart and my nerves are feeling a little tense.

I L*O*V*E the way you like to get personally involved with any activity in the kitchen, particularly when it comes to your dinner time. But do you, I hesitate to ask, do you really have to get so personal as you leap up and climb my leg in your enthusiasm to be fed. Your claws are delightfully needle-like and you are justifiably proud of them however, my leg does now resemble a well used dartboard. All I need to do is rub in a little Indian ink and I will have a permanent tattoo as a reminder of your affection.

Please, my dear little fuzzballs do not think that you are in the dog house, on the contrary, you have brought such laughter and life to the house that all (most) of your transgression are forgiven, just lay off the plants, my wool, my leg, electrical cables, toys, the settee (oh my poor settee), paper, plastic, my laptop, the curtains, the dog, shoes, cushions and ANYTHING ELSE you might think is worth killing/chewing/tasting/playing with/all of the above.

Above all just keep on being you - kittlings - and keep us smiling

lots and lots of love    hawthorn xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx      =^.,.^=

PS  SPIT that plant out and get off that table NOW!